Tag Archives: Squirrel Apocalypse

Exit Through Gift Shop

One great thing the Disney enterprise discovered is their method of monetizing experience. Every exhibit, ride, Hell half of restrooms exit through a gift shop. The happy family still have their heads buzzing with whatever Disney presentation that has bombarded them. Their hearts are light, as is their grip on their money. Happy people go home with mouse ears, t-shirts, enameled pins, and coffee table books. Disney Corp collects enough money to buy another entertainment franchise or a small foreign country.

Everybody’s happy.

Now, I am no Walt Disney, but I have written some really fun books. When I got the rights back to them early last year, I commissioned new covers from an artist friend of mine, Seth Lyons. The covers are excellent and capture the quirky nature of the stories far more than the foreboding, horror-oriented images of the original edition. I paid him handsomely and secured all rights to the images.

Once again, everybody’s happy.

You can’t just leave images like that languishing on the covers of trade paperbacks. They need a new exciting life as t-shirts, mouse pads, coffee mugs, and slivovic’ flasks. Don’t consider this greed as much as a way to provide an extremely small enterprise an income flow while providing fans tangible reminders of the experience they got from my books. Consider the reprints and ancillary merchandising as a retirement plan for my twilight years. That could be next Tuesday, if I don’t watch myself.

Everybody’s happy, right?

If you like my books, and you like the art, consider stopping over to the “My Store” page and link over to the Cafe Press shop I have started. There are even “Squirrel in a Blender” bumper stickers for fans of “Squirrel Apocalypse”. Take a look and shop carefully.

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Economical Squirrels

Readers definitely get tired of hearing indie authors shouting “Buy my book!”.  “Buy my book CHEAP!” is a slightly different story.

Thanx to the people at Hydra Publications, the ebook of “Squirrel Apocalypse” will be available for 99 cents from today through Feb. 23. You can stuff your Kindle with marijuana, gang violence, & GMO killer squirrels. What more do you need for the Presidents Day Weekend?

As always, remember to review if you like it. If you don’t like it, pretend it never happened. Link below:

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My First Book Events of the Year

I’m a bit late in announcing this, but I am very please to be included in the Ohioana Book Festival this year. I will have my new horror/comedy “Squirrel Apocalypse” along with the new editions of my three Arcanum Faire books. The event will be Saturday, April 25, 2020 from 10:30a.m.-5:00p.m. at Columbus Metropolitan Public Library’s Main Library at 96 S. Grant Avenue Columbus, OH 43215. Entry is free. Dozens of other Ohio authors will be there to discuss their work on assorted panels and hawk their wares. For more info, consult the link below:

Home

On Sunday, I will be at the Ashville Viking Festival, held at the Ashville Community Park, 200 Walnut St, Ashville, OH 43103. The festival runs from 10 am to roughly 5 or 6 pm. My wife Kit will be filling in for me there on Saturday from 10 am to 5 pm. Navigation and other details can be extracted here.

https://www.google.com/maps/place/Ashville+Viking+Festival/@39.7179661,-82.9493326,15z/data=!4m5!3m4!1s0x0:0xd1b9dcddac5f5564!8m2!3d39.7179661!4d-82.9493326

This is as close as I can get to be two places at once, especially as I am still be treated for colorectal cancer. I am betting by then I will be on my feet and just as strange as ever. See you there.

Weirdmaste

 

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Rejoice, for the Apocalypse is Here!

Some say the world will end in fire, some say it will be ice. Nobody ever mentioned squirrels. 

Forgive my absence for most of this month. When not getting myself irradiated, dealing with chemo, or simply napping, I have been putting all my writing energy into my WIP. Fortunately, my publisher Hydra Publications and I set something in motion before I got sick and it comes out today!

“Squirrel Apocalypse” started out just as goofy screenplay  exercise: Lost Boys/Nightwings with Squirrels. Circumstances beyond my control forced me to transition it to a novel, though it is still just as ridiculous as when I started. Here’s a little about it:

Chris Day had a perfect life… when he was twelve years old. Twenty years later, he is divorced, unemployed, and desperate to get through to his twelve year daughter, Liv. He hopes his grandmother’s dairy farm in Crickson, California will be a good place to start a new life. Chris spent his boyhood summers in mischief and squirrel-launching there with his two best friends, Olivia and Rafael.Today, the dairy farmers grow marijuana to make ends meet, and the local radio station broadcasts the movements of the DEA to help them stay one step ahead. His grandmother’s obsession with squirrels has turned to a crusade of extermination. Olivia and Rafael are still in town, but nothing like the kids he dreamed of coming back to. Liv is sneaking out of the house late at night and Grandma has a collection of squirrel torture porn and homemade explosives. Pets and livestock are disappearing at an increasing rate. You really can’t go home again, especially when it’s being eaten by GMO killer squirrels.

We won’t be able to do a release party until after my surgery, I’m sure, but everyone can chow down on fresh-baked cookies, milk, and squirrel jerky in their own homes to celebrate. If you do, I want pictures.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1948374234/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i7

 

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The Squirrel Apocalypse is Nigh!

I know you folks have been waiting for a while, but the time is here. I have signed a contract with Hydra Publishing for my next book: Squirrel Apocalypse. It is a profound rumination on how a shattered man cannot return to his idyllic childhood retreat, and when he tries, it winds up being overrun by killer GMO squirrels.

Set in the halcyon days before marijuana went legal in Northern California, it is a maniacal romp with geriatric pot farmers, drug cartels, dairy cows, a radio voice like sex on buttered toast, and squirrels. Lots and lots of squirrels.

I have no definite publication date yet, but it should be some time this summer. Catch it upon its release and finally learn the answer to the question: “How is karma like a squirrel in a blender?”

And now for a slightly related musical interlude:

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What I’d like to see in the apocalypse

Dystopian apocalyptic fiction has been the rage for quite some time now, especially since it started playing out on CSPAN. The End of the World seems to be running in a bit of a rut, so here are a few new things I’d like to see:

In the last few moments of civilization, all the hipsters rent those little electric scooters to flee the city centers. They zip between the gridlocked vehicles and make wide arcs around the stampedes of panicked pedestrians. True to form, they maintain that complacent, perfectly erect posture all scooter riders affect. Their ennui-filled gaze is fixed straight ahead as they either escape the blast radius or are swallowed up in roiling clouds of toxic debris and fallout.

Authors have depicted the rebuilding of society by everything from rogue militias to the Society of Creative Anachronism. I’m figuring one abuela with a flip-flop could whip everyone into shape for a radius of a mile or two.

Most apocalyptic landscapes are littered with abandoned cars. Why hasn’t anyone gotten a bunch of Bubbas to push them into a ring around their sanctuary? Once they’re in place, remove tires, fill the carcasses with earth one bushel basket at a time, and build an earthworks ramp up to the next level. Repeat as necessary. Sharpened stakes and the crucified bodies of telemarketers should dissuade invaders.

I just once want to see the guys mowing the lawns after the zombie apocalypse.

You would think there would be some enterprising person who would take over a bunch of construction equipment and bury a Walmart under six to twelve feet of reinforced dirt or concrete. A Dollar Tree if time and resources are tight. Everything needed to rebuild Suburban America would be right there, safe from alien invaders and fallout.

If you are the type that likes to see a new and entertaining End Times adventure, you could pick up my latest book “The Ren Faire at the End of the World.” I set up the ultimate battle of Good and Evil, as fought by renaissance faire performers and reanimated roadkill. If you’ve seen that already, or you break out at the sound of “Huzzah”, you could keep an eye out for my latest project “Squirrel Apocalypse”. I’ll let you know who bites on that one.

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Pimpin’ Books Amongst Pumpkins

This is a quick reminder, just in case you forgot, that I will be signing books at Keystone Books & Gifts this afternoon as the Circleville Pumpkin Festival happens all around us.

I will be there from 1 pm to 2 pm, signing Arcanum Faire books, especially The Ren Faire at the End of the World, and discussing my upcoming projects. Squirrel Apocalypse is already under consideration by a publisher, and the Silk Empress, a Steampunk Jonny Quest on an airship along the High Silk Road.

See you there!

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Off to Lou’ville

In a few hours, Sheldon Gleisser, my literary wing man, and I will be driving down to Kentucky. This is the weekend of the fifth annual Imaginarium Convention.

Once there, we will rub elbows with publishers, editors, writers, and filmmakers. If you are not any of those creatures, but you love good storytelling, you can come on down and rub our elbows, too.

I will be doing panels on Fairytales & Folklore, the Occult, Steampunk, and Costume & Makeup for Filmmaking.  I also hope to make contact with a publisher and get some news about the disposition of “Squirrel Apocalypse”. To top off the weekend, Sunday I will moderate the Author’s Reading panel. I will get to read my favorite sequence from the whole Arcanum Faire trilogy.

Sorry for the late notice, fans and friends, but at my age getting up and putting on pants is a noteworthy accomplishment. See you all in Lou’ville! If you make it down, I can tell you how karma is like a squirrel in a blender.

https://www.entertheimaginarium.com/

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