Tag Archives: horror/comedy

The Time of Sex, Magick, and Power Tools is Ending

My third book in the Arcanum Faire trilogy, The Ren Faire at the End of the World, is now live as an ebook on Amazon. Other venues to activate shortly. You can see at the link below.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B077MG44CZ

It is a little sad to leave the town of Arcanum, OH and its whacko inhabitants after over a decade. but there are new adventures to chronicle. I am nearly done with my tale of the Squirrel Apocalypse. After that, I attack my non-eurocentric steampunk series.

For those of you who are Netgalley accredited reviewers, the second book of Arcanum Faire, Power Tools in the Sacred Grove, is available for request/download. With luck I will be able to upload RFEW to be available December 1.

https://www.netgalley.com/catalog/book/125017

 

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There is no punchline

We are just days away from the release of “Ren Faire at the End of the World”, the third book of my Arcanum Faire trilogy. It will be November 28th for the trade paperback edition and November 21st for the ebook. Dread Central will be hosting a cover reveal on their site between now and then. This link will be live as of 11/16/17 at 09:30 PT:

http://www.dreadcentral.com/?p=260529

Until the 28th, I have a little taste of the opening of RFEW to pique your interest. As always, watch the bushes and keep a shovel handy at all times.

 

THE THREE LURKERS

A paparazzi, an OSHA inspector, and a Vatican priest hunkered down behind the bushes outside Camp Arcanum.

Unfortunately, there is no punchline to this story, Jeff Lazarro thought as he knelt in the ice-cold mud. Ms. Snowden, the disgraced OSHA inspector with a face like a weasel sucking a lemon, squatted just behind him. Her pale wool coat matched her short platinum blonde hair, which fortunately blended into the drifts of snow behind them. Monsignor Valcarcel, on Jeff’s other side, wore a navy pea coat over his black priest’s cassock. Only the white tab of the rugged old man’s color and his ruddy nose gave him away as anything other than a tree stump.

All Jeff wanted was some nice juicy pictures. With the trifecta of Sex, Suicide, and Satanism following Jeremiah Stone’s death, demand had pushed prices into the stratosphere. Marc Sindri had cost Jeff his next boat payment when he had caught Jeff and erased the card that held a few dozen images of a New Year’s Day co-ed fistfight just outside these three Airstream trailers

Snowden’s mission in life was to prove that either monsters were real and lurking on the grounds of the renaissance faire or that Sindri had rigged the whole thing as a prank to scuttle her workplace inspection. Sometimes, she speculated that he had maybe hired the monsters. Also, she wanted her clipboard back.

The priest, when he spoke, warned of a threat to souls of all involved in black magic and New Age heresy at this renaissance faire. Having Valcarcel tag along gave Jeff the same guilty feeling he got after admitting to his dentist he’d forgotten to floss, but their resources together were far better than lurking in separate bushes…

Valcarcel took a sip of his fortified coffee and pulled down a branch to get a clear view of the old barn, gravel track, and trailers that made up Camp Arcanum.

“You know,” the old priest muttered, “I would give my left nut to know what’s going on in that trailer right now.”

Jeff didn’t know what use a celibate priest might have for his testicles, but his feelings were pretty much the same.

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Book Signing at Karen’s Book Barn

Next Saturday, I will be making a road trip south to LaGrange KY. With C. Bryan Brown and our publisher Eric Beebe, we will be signing books filled with vampires, witches, detectives, and undead skinless bunnies. Look for us at 2 pm, Chris with “They Are Among Us,” and me with “Camp Arcanum” and “Power Tools in the Sacred Grove.”

You can check out the Facebook event here for details: https://www.facebook.com/events/1670163616604021/

Or simply contact

Karen’s Book Barn

127 East Main Street

LaGrange, KY 40031

502.222.0918

night-photo-of-la-grange

Thank you Gary Knapp for such a wonderful shot.

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A special offer from Post Mortem Press

I don’t usually shout “Buy my book!” but my publisher has set up a special offer to introduce you to my “Arcanum Faire” series. You can get both “Camp Arcanum” and “Power Tools in the Sacred Grove” for only $4.99. Click on over and check it out. Enjoy, and watch out for reanimated roadkill on the information superhighway.

https://ganxy.com/i/102547/josef-matulich/the-arcanum-faire-series

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Power Tools in the Sacred Grove

As Marc pulled into Camp Arcanum, Mr. Fixit’s headlights caught something sparkling in the dark. He vaguely remembered that Eleazar and Michael had erected an artificial Christmas tree beside the picnic table. Orange extension cords coiled around it as garland. Chrome-plated box-end wrenches dangled from the branches as ornaments and reflected light like mirrors. A mechanic’s trouble light took the place of a star on the top.

He growled under his breath at the waste of time and tools. At the last moment, he decided to park beside it instead of on top of it.

Marc slumped out of his car and into his trailer. He didn’t bother with the lights inside. Stripping his clothes off as he went, he fell into bed. He knocked over the pictures of women he didn’t know and burrowed under the covers, hoping he didn’t dream about Brenwyn, Jeremiah, or any of the other denizens of Arcanum.

#

Eleazar made the circuitous run of the last few hundred yards into camp driving with only his left hand on the wheel. His other hand spent most of its happy time between the thighs of Esmeralda, an exotic beauty he had met that evening in Arcanum. That he was able to negotiate the turns, the clutch, the gear shift, and a curvaceous Brazilian was a tribute to his superb physical coordination.

He pulled his gypsy wagon into its habitual space and his paramour for the evening was upon him before the engine had even died. He found her enthusiasm to be encouraging. He did everything he could to encourage her in turn.

The two of them made it out of the truck without injury and commenced across the gravel drive, the stairs and trailer door while linked lip-to-lip. Once inside, Esmeralda’s outer clothes came off as if buttered. Eleazar was doing his best to catch up when he was distracted by the sound of bedsprings. His blood froze as he saw the naked form of his boss, the surly giant that beat monsters to death with a shovel, rising out of shadows.

“What the Hell are you doing in my trailer?” Marc rumbled.

#

To discover how bad things can go from here, catch my reading from my second novel “Power Tools in the Sacred Grove” this Sunday at the Book Loft: 631 S 3rd St, Columbus, OH 43206, (614) 464-1774.  Barring bad weather, I will be in the garden between 1 and 3 p.m., reading, signing, and perhaps hand out bribes of sweets.

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Unleash the Minions with Hedgetrimmers!

After a little over a year, it’s official: “Power Tools in the Sacred Grove”, the sequel to “Camp Arcanum”, is available. It has all the magick and twice the sex and power tools of the first volume.

After only a few weeks in Arcanum Ohio, Marc Sindri finds himself in love with Brenwyn the witch; hospitalized by Jeremiah Stone’s sex-conjured demon; and woefully behind in his construction deadlines to open the new renaissance faire by May first. Moving in with Brenwyn for protection from further supernatural attacks during his rehabilitation, Marc delegates the work on Arcanum Faire to his minions, Eleazar the ren faire libertine and Michael the overwrought artisan.

The path to the faire’s opening day is not smooth, obstructed by invisible tentacle demons, undead skinless bunnies, interference from OSHA and even the Vatican, but Marc slowly recovers. With luck, he will soon be healthy enough to lift a chainsaw or survive sex. Through a vegan Thanksgiving, a tool-bedecked Christmas, and lovers’ spats with a woman that can throw lightning bolts, Marc makes his way mostly unscathed.

If only his semi-erotic dream about hedgetrimmers and a sacred grove didn’t end up leaking into Brenwyn’s sleeping mind.

I am already currently working on the third book, its working title “The Beltane Faire”. It will prove to be as great a battle between Good and Evil as Pellenor Fields, if fought between reanimated road kill and renaissance faire performers.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/power-tools-in-the-sacred-grove-josef-matulich/1121679659?ean=9780692399309
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Tools-Sacred-Grove-Arcanum-ebook/dp/B00V93C0VO

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