JFF: Top 10 Mad Scientist Songs

Long ago, I used to write little life-improvement tips from Dr. Thelonius Calico, the folksy homespun super-villain. Imagine a cross between Dr. No and Martha Stewart. I’ve put that project in a secure bunker in the back of my mind for the time being, but I do love me a bit of Mad Science. Just for fun, I did a little research to get my Top Ten Mad Scientist songs. It includes a little bit of everything from Hip-Hop to Metal to novelty.

The criteria for the list are purely subjective: musical quality, expression of the Mad Science theme, and how likely I am to jump out a window when it comes on my iPad. If you don’t like something here, draw up your own list.

10: Mad Professor, Insane Clown Posse

This has to be included for completeness sake, though I am not a Hip-Hop fan; this comes very near my “Jump Out the Window” barrier. WARNING: the language and mean spirited screaming take all the fun out being a mad/evil scientist. Also, Juggalos.

10: Monster Mash, Bobby Pickett

My earliest exposure to Musical Mad Science, twice as fun when you see the singer’s mimicry of Boris Karloff as he lip-synchs his own song.

8: Dr. Stein, Helloween

Heavy metal vivisection and experimentation. What’s not to love?

7: Building the Perfect Beast, Don Henley

This is an odd one that perfectly expresses the Mad Science theme, even to the point of having its own Secret Hide-out. This song was never released as a single, though it is the namesake of the album, and there are no videos available on line. You can at least get it on iTunes.

Building the Perfect Beast
The power of reason, the top of the heap
We’re the ones who can kill the things we
Don’t eat
Sharper than a serpent’s tongue
Tighter than a bongo drum
Quicker than a one-night stand
Slicker than a mambo band
And now the day is come
Soon he will be released
Glory hallelujah!
We’re building the perfect beast
(building, building, etc..)
It’s olympus this time- olympus or bust
For we have met the enemy -and he is us
And now the day is come
Soon he will be released
Glory hallelujah!
We’re building the perfect beast
(building, building)
Ever since we crawled out of the ocean
And stood upright on the land
There are some things that we just don’t
Understand:
Relieve all pain and suffering
And lift us out of the dark
Turn us all into methuselah-
But where

7: Sweet Transvestite, Rocky Horror Picture Show

Though there’s not a lot of Mad Science in it until the end, this is a cultural touchstone for all those who would dare where God did not intend for men to go.

6: Frankenstein, Edgar Winters

Classic Rock Mad Science by musicians that look like characters from Michael Moorcock. This is the looooooong version.

5: What’s He Building in There, Tom Waits

Creepy, unnerving and poetic. More people should know this one.

4: She Blinded Me with Science, Thomas Dolby

The ’80s seemed made for Mad Science with its atmosphere of greed, technology, sex, and greed. This is one of the two from that era that made my list.

3: Weird Science, Oingo Boingo

Our second helping of ’80s Mad Science Rock from the man who would become the sound of Tim Burton.

2: Experiment IV, Kate Bush

Not the best quality of a beautiful song, but the video does include an appearance by Dr. House. Maybe this is where he got that addiction to painkillers?

1: Nemesis, Shriekback

The Greatest Mad Science of All Time, if nothing else for rhyming “nemesis” and “parthogenesis”. That, and a little recreational refining the juices of the dying.

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