Monthly Archives: January 2014

#astoryaweek tally week #4

In spite of being ill, finishing my editing run on “Camp Arcanum”, and dealing with the White Fluffy Death from Above, I was able to complete a body horror flash story before the end of the week.  In the pipe, four by four…

week  1: Tunnel Vision,                                                    app. 450 words

week  2: Nightmare on a String                                     app. 1850 words

week  3: Ding Dong                                                          app. 275 words

week  4: Fly                                                                        app. 480 words

running total                  app. 3055 words

 

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It’s all become incredibly real…

“Have I mentioned I have a book coming out?”

I say this every other day in my normal job’s daily huddle.  It has become a punch line that keeps getting funnier since I first announced my contract at the end of last August.  My First Novel has become something more than a holding pattern and a promise this last Tuesday.

I got the first round of edits completed from the editor and found only a handful of content changes to be made.  98 per cent of the mark up was commas, quotes, and formatting.  I grew up sloppily following White & Strunk; Post Mortem Press adheres to Chicago Style Manual.

They’re paying for my book. They win.

The publisher and I had a short back and forth via Facebook messaging on the cover design.  Won’t go into details for fear of spoiling things, but there is one object on the cover where there would be three in the actual story.  The publisher said that would make things too crowded.  I agreed saying: “This is storytelling, not accounting.  We can owe the readers the other two (cool things) inside the book.”

See, in spite of everything a certain theater group says, I can work and play well with others.

I have a manuscript.  I have a book cover.  I have a release event at Millenicon the weekend of March 14th.

I b an Author!  How the Hell did that happen?

BTW, authors engage in ruthless self-promotion.  Here it goes:

“Camp Arcanum” is an occult comedy about magick, sex, and power tools.  Marc Sindri, a contractor with a bad history with crazy people who believe in magick, is sent to Arcanum Ohio to build a renaissance faire. He finds a small town hip deep in witches, demons and reanimated roadkill.  To thwart his deadlines even further, he gets caught in a triangle between Brenwyn, the head of the local Wiccan coven, and her ex Jeremiah Stone, associate professor of demonology at Arcanum University.

Keep coming back for more details on this funny/scary story that has noting to do with my own past love life.

 

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#astoryaweek tally update

#astoryaweek tally

I have just finished another short story before the end of the week.  I will keep a running tally on this post for future edification/humiliation.

week  1: Tunnel Vision,                                                    app. 450 words

week  2: Nightmare on a String                                     app. 1850 words

week  3: Ding Dong                                                          app. 275 words

running total                  app. 2575 words

Because we could all use a laugh, and this is short, and I don’t really think there is to anyplace to sell it, I am including this week’s story below.  Enjoy!

 

Ding Dong

Josef Matulich

 

Matthew tensed in his recliner as he heard the sound of the doorbell.  His ongoing feud with the neighborhood kids had started with doorbells, the old “ring and dash”.  Things escalated to toilet paper, eggs and finally a picture of a penis etched into his lawn with bleach.  He wouldn’t think the little monsters would go back to small potatoes now.

He extricated himself from his chair, grabbed his cane and made it to the front door as swiftly as his knees would allow.  He had a hopeful thought that it might be the cops with the kids held up by the scruff of the neck on his front porch.

No such luck.

Matthew opened the front door to find a burning brown paper bag on his welcome mat.

He sighed.  This trick had been old when Truman had been President: the flaming bag of dog poop.  The victim was supposed to panic and stomp out the fire, splattering hot dog excrement all over their shoes and front step.

This wasn’t Matthew’s first rodeo.

He set the cane against the doorframe and bent over to grab both ends of the mat.  Holding it in a gentle curve to contain the flaming package, he gently lobbed it onto the front sidewalk where it could burn down harmlessly.  In the morning, he could hose off the walk without having to deal with any of the crap these kids had given him.

Matthew was feeling pretty satisfied about how this latest engagement had turned out until he noticed the black tripwire dangling from the underside and the metal ring from a grenade at its end.

 

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So, You Want to Write a SyFy© Original Movie?

You may think that screenwriting is an involved and serious undertaking, but not with the new SyFy© Original Movie template.  Just fill in the answers based on your own information and you will have the plot outline for the next direct-to-cable blockbuster.

First you will need a title.  Almost all SyFy© Original Movies have two word titles made up of two great words that are even scarier together.  The whole “vs” slate of films is an exception that will be saved for the advanced class.

Title Part 1: First letter of your first name:

A: Polar
B: Psychic
C:  Alien
D:  Night
E: Death
F:  Ice
G:  -Nado (put after Part 2, as in “Shark-Nado”)
H: Desert
I:  Fire
J:  Ghost
K:  – Wars (put after Part 2, as in “Dragon Wars” )
L:  Mutant
M:  -Ageddon (put after part 2, as in “Squid-Ageddon”)
N:  Franken-
O:   Mecha
P:  Hell
Q: Cyber
R: Stone
S: Giant
T:  Robo
U:  Doom
V:  Octo-
W: Mega
X:  Neuro
Y:  Space
Z:  Big Ass

Title Part 2: The first letter of your last name.  (What will be menacing your heroes)

A:  Shark(s)
B:  Soldier(s)
C:  Dragon(s)
D:  Bug(s)
E:  Witch(es)
F:  Alien(s)
G:  Snake(s)
H: Spider(s)
I:  Mutant(s)
J:  Gator(s)
K:  Quake(s)
L:  Werewolf(ves)
M:  Hamster(s)
N:  Zombie(s)
O:  Libertarian(s)
P:  Fungus
Q: Storm(s)
R: Squid(s)
S:  Wolf(ves)
T: Ant(s)
U: Sheep
V:  Vampire(s)
W:  Robot(s)
X:  Invader(s)
Y:  Demon(s)
Z: Fish

A(n) (Lone Expert) discovers  the problem with (Title Part 2) but his/her findings are suppressed by the authorities for their own selfish reasons.

Lone Expert: Month you were born:

January:               Street Savvy Cop

February:            Defrocked Priest

March:                  Brilliant Scientist

April:                     International Spy

May:                      Stateless Mercenary

June:                     Hardened Ex-con

July:                       Eccentric Hacker

August:                  Meteorologist

September:           Animal Wrangler

October:                 Master of the Occult

November:             Decorated War Hero

December:              Ambitious Journalist

 

(Location) is threatened by the presence of (Title Part 2).

Location: The date you were born:

1: A sleepy desert town

2: A sprawling metropolis

3: A traveling carnival

4: A general store in Appalachia

5: A spaceship crash site outside town

6: A public beach

7: A tropical resort

8: The sewers beneath the city

9:  A high-rise office tower

10: A suburban shopping mall

11: A derelict freighter

12: A housing estate built on a Native burial ground

13: A remote military base

14: The harbor of a sleepy fishing village

15: A quiet native village

16: An abandoned hotel

17: An isolated farm

18: A cave

19: A distant planet

20: An abandoned amusement park

21: A cabin in the woods

22: An arctic research post.

23: A plague-infested wasteland

24: A supposedly haunted house

25: A nuclear test site

26: A prison

27: Hoboken, NJ

28: The whole goddam world

29: The deep woods

30: An underground bunker

31: The White House

 

And a (group of Clueless Victims) are endangered there.

Clueless Victims: The month you were born:

January:               dozens of drunken college students

February:            unit of highly trained commandos

March:                  half-dozen bikini models

April:                     trio of meddling kids and their dog

May:                      class of grade school students on a field trip

June:                     reality TV cast and crew

July:                       harried bunch of refugees

August:                  married couple with relationship issues

September:        pack of gamers and sci-fi fans

October:              dysfunctional family

November:         local TV news crew

December:         team of X-games/Parkour athletes

 

The (Clueless Victims) attempt to flee, in part aided by (Cannon Fodder)’s heroic act of sacrifice.

Cannon Fodder: the month your father was born:

January:               originally creepy homeless guy

February:            dedicated civil servant

March:                  hero’s best friend

April:                     dying Grandma/Grandpa

May:                      frag-worthy lieutenant

June:                     secretly sensitive jock

July:                       greedy developer

August:                  misguided scientist

September:            corrupt government official

October:                  girl all the boys wanted

November:              Sean Bean

December:               the Marine with just two weeks left to serve

 

The (Lone Expert) comes up with a brilliant plan using (Outlandish Plot Device).  The (Full Title) are defeated and the world is saved in two hours of broadcast time.

Outlandish Plot Device: The month your mother was born

January:               an exorcism ritual from an ancient text

February:            a chainsaw

March:                  a nuclear self-destruct device

April:                     an improvised explosive

May:                      a magic spell

June:                     a booby trap made from all-natural materials

July:                       a pit of burning oil/guano/sheep flatulence

August:                  a high voltage electrocution device

September:            an equally dangerous monster

October:                  a huge amount of toxic household chemicals

November:              an uploaded cyber virus

December:               a Swiss army knife, a cheese log and a paper clip

 

As an example, my SyFy© Original Movie ended up like this:

Ghost Hamsters

An Ambitious Journalist discovers the problem with Hamsters but his/her findings are suppressed by the authorities for their own selfish reasons.

An abandoned amusement park is threatened by the presence of Hamsters.

And a team of X-games/Parkour athletes are endangered there.

The team of X-games/Parkour athletes attempt to flee, in part aided by Sean Bean’s heroic act of sacrifice.

The Ambitious Journalist comes up with a brilliant plan using a pit of burning oil/guano/sheep flatulence.  The Ghost Hamsters are defeated and the world is saved in two hours of broadcast time.

Though this is all meant to be parody, your information may actually produce a story you have seen on the SyFy© Channel.  I’m really, really sorry about that.

If you share this, and I am encouraging you to do so, please remember to include “written by Josef Matulich at dalmatianalley.wordpress.com or Josef Matulich – guy who writes funny/scary stuff on Facebook”.  That way I might get the recognition for my hours of labor and the Asylum and the SyFy© Channel will know where to send the pack of ravening Ghost Hamsters once they raise them from Hell.

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More stories we’ve seen too much:

A while back, I published a list of Horror Stories We’ve Seen Too Much here.  It was a reprint of part of the submissions guidelines for the online magazine Strange Horizons.  This is their second section, which is aimed at more generic Speculative Fiction.  I thought I was really clever until I realized several of the tropes on this list were in my mental “to write” list.  If you would like to see the full updated story in all its original format glory, click here:

http://www.strangehorizons.com/guidelines/fiction-common.shtml

Otherwise, enjoy my amateurishly cut-and-paste text, because after all I AM What Is Wrong With The Internet.

This is not a canonical list of bad stories or story cliches. This is a list of types of stories that we at SH have seen too often; it’s not intended to be a complete list of all types of bad stories, nor are all the items on the list necessarily bad.

We often receive stories that match items on this list but that have cover letters saying “This matches something  on your list, but I’ve done something new and unique and different with it.” Such stories  almost always turn out to be very similar to other stories we’ve seen. If your story is a close match to one or more items on this list (especially if it’s a close enough match that you feel the need to include a cover-letter disclaimer), you may want to consult some friends who are well-read in the genre before deciding that it’s probably different from what we see all the time. (And by the way,  we often don’t read cover letters until after we’ve read the story.)

One more thing: We know it’s tempting to look at this list as a challenge. Please don’t. In particular, please don’t send us stories that intentionally incorporate one or more of these items.

Here’s the list:

  1. Person is (metaphorically) at point A, wants to be at point B. Looks at point B, says “I want to be at point B.” Walks to point B, encountering no meaningful obstacles or difficulties. The end. (A.k.a. the linear plot.)
  2. Creative person is having trouble creating.
    1. Writer has writer’s block.
    2. Painter can’t seem to paint anything good.
    3. Sculptor can’t seem to sculpt anything good.
    4. Creative person’s work is reviled by critics who don’t understand how brilliant it is.
    5. Creative person meets a muse (either one of the nine classical Muses or a more individual muse) and interacts with them, usually by keeping them captive.
  3. Visitor to alien planet ignores information about local rules, inadvertantly violates them, is punished.
    1. New diplomat arrives on alien planet, ignores anthropologist’s attempts to explain local rules, is punished.
  4. Weird things happen, but it turns out they’re not real.
    1. In the end, it turns out it was all a dream.
    2. In the end, it turns out it was all in virtual reality.
    3. In the end, it turns out the protagonist is insane.
    4. In the end, it turns out the protagonist is writing a novel and the events we’ve seen are part of the novel.
  5. An AI gets loose on the Net, but the author doesn’t have a clear concept of what it means for software to be “loose on the Net.” (For example, the computer it was on may not be connected to the Net.)
  6. Technology and/or modern life turn out to be soulless.
    1. Office life turns out to be soul-deadening, literally or metaphorically.
    2. All technology is shown to be soulless; in contrast, anything “natural” is by definition good. For example, living in a weather-controlled environment is bad, because it’s artificial, while dying of pneumonia is good, because it’s natural.
    3. The future is utopian and is considered by some or many to be perfect, but perfection turns out to be boring and stagnant and soul-deadening; it turns out that only through imperfection, pain, misery, and nature can life actually be good.
    4. In the future, all learning is soulless and electronic, until kid is exposed to ancient wisdom in the form of a book.
    5. In the future, everything is soulless and electronic, until protagonist (usually a kid) is exposed to ancient wisdom in the form of a wise old person who’s lived a non-electronic life.
  7. Protagonist is a bad person. [We don’t object to this in a story; we merely object to it being the main point of the plot.]
    1. Bad person is told they’ll get the reward that they “deserve,” which ends up being something bad.
    2. Terrorists (especially Osama bin Laden) discover that horrible things happen to them in the afterlife (or otherwise get their comeuppance).
    3. Protagonist is portrayed as really awful, but that portrayal is merely a setup for the ending, in which they see the error of their ways and are redeemed. (But reading about the awfulness is so awful that we never get to the end to see the redemption.)
  8. A place is described, with no plot or characters.
  9. A “surprise” twist ending occurs. [Note that we do like endings that we didn’t expect, as long as they derive naturally from character action. But note, too, that we’ve seen a lot of twist endings, and we find most of them to be pretty predictable, even the ones not on this list.]
    1. The characters’ actions are described in a way meant to fool the reader into thinking they’re humans, but in the end it turns out they’re not humans, as would have been obvious to anyone looking at them.
    2. Creatures are described as “vermin” or “pests” or “monsters,” but in the end it turns out they’re humans.
    3. The author conceals some essential piece of information from the reader that would be obvious if the reader were present at the scene, and then suddenly reveals that information at the end of the story. [This can be done well, but rarely is.]
    4. Person is floating in a formless void; in the end, they’re born.
    5. Person uses time travel to achieve some particular result, but in the end something unexpected happens that thwarts their plan.
    6. The main point of the story is for the author to metaphorically tell the reader, “Ha, ha, I tricked you! You thought one thing was going on, but it was really something else! You sure are dumb!”
    7. A mysteriously-named Event is about to happen (“Today was the day Jimmy would have to report for The Procedure”), but the nature of the Event isn’t revealed until the end of the story, when it turns out to involve death or other unpleasantness.  [Several classic sf stories use this approach, which is one reason we’re tired of seeing it.  Another reason is that we can usually guess the twist well ahead of time, which makes the mysteriousness annoying.]
    8. In the future, an official government permit is required in order to do some particular ordinary thing, but the specific thing a permit is required for isn’t (usually) revealed until the end of the story.
    9. Characters speculate (usually jokingly): “What if  X were true of the universe?” (For example: “What if the universe is a simulation?”) At the end, something happens that implies that X is true.
    10. Characters in the story (usually in the far future and/or on an alien planet) use phrases that are phonetic respellings or variations of modern English words or phrases, such as “Hyoo Manz” or “Pleja Legions,” which the reader isn’t intended to notice; in the end, a surprise twist reveals that there’s a connection to 20th/21st-century English speakers.
  10. Someone calls technical support; wacky hijinx ensue.
    1. Someone calls technical support for a magical item.
    2. Someone calls technical support for a piece of advanced technology.
    3. The title of the story is 1-800-SOMETHING-CUTE.
  11. Scientist uses himself or herself as test subject.
  12. Evil unethical doctor performs medical experiments on unsuspecting patient.
  13. In the future, criminals are punished much more harshly than they are today.
    1. In the future, the punishment always fits the crime.
    2. The author is apparently unaware of  the American constitutional amendment prohibiting cruel and unusual punishment, and so postulates that in the future, American punishment will be extra-cruel in some unusual way.
  14. White protagonist is given wise and mystical advice by Holy Simple Native Folk.
  15. Story is based in whole or part on a D&D game or world.
    1. A party of D&D characters (usually including a fighter, a magic-user, and a thief, one of whom is a half-elf and one a dwarf) enters a dungeon (or the wilderness, or a town, or a tavern) and fights monsters (usually including orcs).
    2. Story is the origin story of a D&D character, culminating in their hooking up with a party of adventurers.
    3. A group of real-world humans who like roleplaying find themselves transported to D&D world.
  16. An alien or an AI/robot/android observes and comments on the peculiar habits of humans, for allegedly comic effect.
    1. The alien or AI is fluent in English and completely familiar with various  English idioms, but is completely unfamiliar with human biology and/or with such concepts as sex or violence and/or with certain specific extremely common English words (such as “cat”).
    2. The alien or AI takes everything literally.
    3. Instead of an alien or AI, it’s people in the future commenting on the ridiculous things (usually including internal combustion engines) that people used to use in the unenlightened past.
  17. Space travel is wonderful and will solve all our problems. [We agree that space travel is pretty cool, but we’d rather that weren’t the whole point of the story.]
  18. Man has an awful, shrewish wife; in the end he gets revenge on her, by (for example) killing her or leaving her.
    1. Man is entirely blameless, innocent, mild-mannered, and unobjectionable, and he kills his awful, shrewish wife entirely by accident, possibly in self-defense, so it’s okay.
  19. Some characters are in favor of immersive VR, while others are opposed to it because it’s not natural; they spend most of the story’s length rehashing common arguments on both sides. [Full disclosure: one of our editors once wrote a story like this. It hasn’t found a publisher yet, for some reason.]
  20. Person A tells a story to person B (or to a room full of people) about person C.
    1. In the end, it turns out that person B is really person C (or from the same organization).
    2. In the end, it turns out that  person A is really person C (or has the same goals).
    3. In the end, there’s some other ironic but predictable twist that would cast the whole story in a different light if the reader hadn’t guessed the ending early on.
  21. People whose politics are different from the author’s are shown to be stupid, insane, or evil, usually through satire, sarcasm, stereotyping,  and wild exaggeration.
    1. In the future, the US or the world is ruled by politically correct liberals, leading to awful things (usually including loss of freedom of speech).
    2. In the future, the US or the world is ruled by fascist conservatives, leading to awful things (usually including loss of freedom of speech).
  22. Superpowered narrator claims that superhero stories never address the mundane problems that superheroes would run into in the real world.
  23. A princess has been raped or molested by her father (or stepfather), the king.
  24. Someone comes  up with a great medical or technological breakthrough, but it turns out that it has unforeseen world-devastating consequences. [Again, this is a perfectly good plot element, but we’re not thrilled when it’s the whole point of the story.]
  25. It’s immediately obvious to the reader that a mysterious character is from the future, but the other characters  (usually including the protagonist) can’t figure it out.
  26. Someone takes revenge for the wrongs done to them.
    1. Protagonist is put through heavy-handed humiliation after humiliation, and takes it meekly, until the end when he or she murders someone.
  27. The narrator and/or male characters in the story are bewildered about women, believing them to conform to any of the standard stereotypes about women: that they’re mysterious, wacky, confusing, unpredictable, changeable, temptresses, etc.
  28. Strange and mysterious things keep happening.  And keep happening.  And keep happening.  For over half the story.  Relentlessly.  Without even a hint of explanation.
    1. The protagonist is surrounded by people who know the explanation but refuse to give it.
    2. Story consists mostly of surreal dreamlike randomness.
  29. Author showcases their premise of what the afterlife is like; there’s little or no story, other than demonstrating that premise.
    1. Hell and Heaven are run like businesses.
    2. The afterlife is really monotonous and dull.
    3. The afterlife is a bureaucracy.
    4. The afterlife is nothingness.
    5. The afterlife reunites you with your loved ones.
  30. Brutal violence against women is depicted in loving detail, often in a story that’s ostensibly about violence against women being bad.
    1. Man is forced by circumstances or magic to rape a woman even though he really doesn’t want to, honest.
    2. The main reason for the main female character to be in the story, and to be female, is so that she can be raped.
  31. Evil people hook the protagonist on an addictive substance and then start raising the price, ruining the protagonist’s life.
  32. Fatness  is used as a signal of evil, dissolution, and/or moral decay, usually with the unspoken assumption that it’s completely obvious that fat people are immoral and disgusting.            [Note: This does not mean all fat characters in stories must be good guys. We’re just tired of seeing fat used as a cheap shorthand signifier of evil.]
    1. Someone wants to kill someone else, and that’s perfectly reasonable because, after all, the victim-to-be is fat.
    2. The story spends a lot of time describing, over and over, just how fat a character is, and how awful that is.
    3. Physical contact with a fat person is understood to be obviously revolting.
  33. Protagonist agrees to go along with a plan or action despite not having enough information about it, and despite their worries that the thing will be bad. Then the thing turns out to be bad after all.
  34. Teen’s family  doesn’t understand them.
  35. Twee little fairies with wings fly around being twee.
  36. Sentient toys, much like the ones from Toy Story, interact with each other.
  37. In a  comedic/satirical story, vampires and/or other supernatural creatures come out publicly and demand (and/or get) the vote and other rights, but people are prejudiced against them.
  38. At the end of the story,  one of the characters starts to write This Very Story that we’re reading. (Often, some or all of the opening paragraph is repeated at the end.) [This is different from just ordinary first-person narration; this kind of story is usually in third person, and the Writing This Very Story is usually presented as a surprise.]
  39. An unnamed character turns out, in the end, to be God.
    1. The toy that the character is playing with (or the project that they’ve been working on) turns out to be Earth or the Universe.
  40. Story consists of recipes for, or descriptions of, killing and eating sentient beings (usually fantastical creatures).
  41. There’s a machine that cryptically predicts the  manner of a person’s death by printing it on a slip of paper; the machine is never wrong, but often it’s right in surprising or ironic ways. [There’s nothing wrong with the Machine of Death anthologies, but we’ve seen a large number of MoD rejects, and we’re extremely unlikely to buy one.]
  42. Story is set in a  world in which some common modern Western power structure is inverted, and we’re meant to sympathize with the people who are oppressed in the world of the story. [Such stories usually end up reinforcing the real-world dominant paradigm; and regardless, they rarely do anything we haven’t seen many times before.]
    1. Women have more power than men, and it’s very sad how oppressed the men are.
    2. Everyone in the society is gay or lesbian, and straight people are considered perverts.
    3. White people are oppressed by oppressive people with other skin colors.
  43. Kids with special abilities are kidnapped by the government and imprisoned and tested in a lab.
  44. Title consists entirely of a string of digits.
  45. Baby or child is put in danger, in a contrived way, in order to artificially boost narrative tension.
  46. Someone encounters some magical or otherwise apparently impossible phenomenon. In the end, it turns out that it’s real!
    1. A character says things that the other characters consider to be irrational, paranoid, or obviously impossible, but in the end it turns out that character was right!
  47. The author attempts to lead the reader to think a character is going to die, but instead the character is uploaded into VR or undergoes some other transformative but non-dying process.
  48. Someone dies and then wanders around as a ghost.
    1. They meet other ghosts who’ve been around longer and who show them the ropes, and/or help them come to terms with being dead, and/or explain that nobody knows what happens after ghosts move on to the next stage of the afterlife.
    2. They’re initially stuck in the place where they died or the place where their body is. In some cases, they eventually figure out how to roam the world.
  49. Aliens and/or far-future posthumans think, talk, and behave just like upper-middle-class Americans from the 20th or early 21st century.
  50. The story’s main (usually only) female character doesn’t have much subjectivity; we see her only (or at least primarily) through the idealizing eyes of a male character.
  51. Humanity’s problems (such as war, mental health issues, disease, or bad political leaders) turn out to be secretly caused by aliens, demons, or other inimical non-humans.

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#astoryaweek tally

I have just finished another short story before the end of the week.  I will keep a running tally on this post for future edification/humiliation.

week  1: Tunnel Vision,                                                    app. 450 words

week  2: Nightmare on a String                                     app. 1850 words

running total                  app. 2300 words

 

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#astoryaweek

First, I would like to state for the record that I have not written fifty-two stories IN MY LIFE.  In spite of that, I succumbed to peer pressure from Jessica McHugh and the other authors in the Post Mortem Press cadre and committed to the #astoryaweek challenge.  It may seem a bit daunting, but I am allowed to include Flash Fiction for my quota.  I just finished a 360 word Flash story called “Tunnel Vision”.  I expect to be able to come up with twice that by the end of next week.

Like many other high performances challenges like the 48 Hour Film Festival or Three Days of Terror, it is what I call a “Dancing Bear” performance: it doesn’t matter how well the bear dances, but that it dances at all.  I am not making any promises of quality.  I will use this, though, as an excuse to finish all the little pieces I have had buzzing around in my head.  It’s not cheating to finish a two-year-old story fragment for one week’s output.  Many hooks for bigger projects can be committed to paper and then stuffed into my special binder labeled “Start Here Stupid” when I’m ready for my next novel.  It’ll be easy in the copious free time I have at my disposal.

Week 1: “Tunnel Vision”  360 words

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Horror Stories We’ve Seen Too Often

I was poking around the internet, trying to track the final disposition of a story submission, and I came across this on the web site for the magazine “Strange Horizons”.  Finding it to be the most helpful thing I have seen in a coon’s age, 2-3 years in the wild/20 as a pet, I immediately stole borrowed with proper credit for the illumination of others like myself who spontaneously come up with the exact same story that thousands of other writers have done already.

Enjoy!

The following list is an attempt at classifying the kinds of horror-story plots that we receive too frequently. We have a separate page for non-horror stories we’ve seen too often.

Note that we’re not generally interested in horror of any kind; this page simply lists some particular kinds of horror stories that we see especially often.

Main plot types are numbered; subspecies and variants receive letters.

This is not a canonical list of bad stories or story cliches. This is a list of types of stories that we at SH have seen too often; it’s not intended to be a complete list of all types of bad stories, nor are all the items on the list necessarily bad.

We recognize that horror stories are often more about mood or tone than about original plots. Still, these plots and ideas are particularly common in the horror stories submitted to us.

  1. Serial killer or vampire stalks and slays victim(s).
    1. The tables are turned at the end. (For example, the intended victim turns out to be a vampire or other powerful supernatural creature.)
    2. The serial killer is insane.
    3. The serial killer is under supernatural influence.
    4. The serial killer was abused as a child.
  2. Person is insane, and kills a lot of people because of it.
    1. The insanity is due to supernatural influence.
    2. The insane person does property damage instead of killing people.
  3. Protagonist sits around for a while.
    1. In the end, it turns out protagonist is dead.
    2. In the end, it turns out protagonist is a serial killer.
  4. Evil creature kills lots of people.
    1. In the end the creature escapes to kill again.
    2. The creature is disguised as something cute.
  5. Person sees mysterious things that nobody else can see.
    1. Person has unreasonable dread of a Thing that nobody else can see; in the end the Thing gets the person after all.
    2. Person has bad dreams; they turn out to be real.
    3. In the end, it turns out the person is crazy.
    4. In the end, it turns out someone is drugging the person.
  6. Warnings are ignored, with unfortunate consequences.
    1. Person is warned to Always Do something; fails to do it; thereby sets Nameless Evil free.
    2. Person is warned to Never Do something; does it anyway; thereby sets Nameless Evil free.
  7. A place is haunted or scary. [No, this isn’t a plot, but we do receive plotless place descriptions in which this is the only point.]
  8. Child is abused.
    1. The tables are turned at the end.
    2. The abuser is under supernatural influence.
  9. Person is targeted by Evil Thing; in the end, Evil Thing kills person.
  10. Horrible things happen to person in the end, either as punishment or irony.
    1. Person is a bad person; in the end, they get their comeuppance                when unspeakably horrible things happen to them. [A.k.a. the Twilight  Zone plot.]
    2. Person attempts to kill or dispose of spouse; in the end, the                tables are turned.
    3. Person isn’t such a bad person; but in the end, unspeakably horrible things happen to them anyway.
    4. Person wants or wishes for something, and they get it without                any trouble, but it results in horrible things happening to them.
  11. Therapist enters into the thoughts of serial killer in prison, via telepathy or VR. [a.k.a. the Cell plot.]
  12. Initiate into religion discovers that the religion is actually killing/destroying  its initiates.
  13. Alien creature lays eggs under the skin of a human.
  14. A kid has an imaginary friend, but the adults don’t believe in it. In the end, the imaginary friend turns out to be real and eeeevil.
  15. There are zombies. [We have published zombie stories in the past, but very rarely, and at this point any story featuring zombies is an extremely hard sell for us.]

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Filed under Writer stuff