Monthly Archives: December 2013

Supervillain Affirmation

A daily affirmation for those who think heroes are passe’:

 

Supervillain Affirmation

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The Wicked Library: Chrismassacre II

The horror fiction podcast “The Wicked Library” has their second Christmas episode “Chrismassacre II” up online now.  It has thirteen short stories by twelve different authors, including me.  If you like you Christmas gory, frightening and stark, this is the thing for you.  My contribution, “The Last Magical Christmas”, is actually just a little creepy with a tinge of humor.  Do not listen to this around small children or high-strung animals.  Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

http://www.hipcast.com/podcast/HwkmTbw4

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The Glory of Zombie Christmas

It started out simply.  A kitschy Christmas decoration, a couple of Dickensian characters in a snow covered gazebo, got broken.  The leg and arm was snapped clean off and fragmented so normal repairs were out of the question.  I put bloody stumps on the broken limbs and painted the companion in greens and greys with scarlet blood-spatter to turn it into a zombie.

Zombie Christmas

The little feeding scene was so successful that we went on to transform other figures: zombie carolers, zombie children tearing apart the human hidden inside a snowman, a zombie farmwife with a bucket of body parts feeding zombie farm animals.  The landscape of ceramic churches and houses was overrun with green-grey undead and the bleeding remains of the living.  Undead ice skaters gather around the shattered torso of a frozen dinner.  A human child sits on the lap of Zombie Santa Claus; a live elf with an ax is coming up behind them to cut things short.  A bough bedecked cart filled with humans is driven by zombies and pulled by undead horses.  We call that “Meals on Wheels.”

Meals on Wheels

Yes, it’s sick and twisted, but it reflects us.  To see more, check out the link:

https://www.facebook.com/kitmatulich/media_set?set=a.10202949890287491&type=1

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Busy Christmas Literary Gnome

I have been very busy in literary pursuits this last week.  Post Mortem Press has firmed up their 2014 publication calendar enough to give me a mid March release date for “Camp Arcanum”, my first novel.  We are already making arrangements for a kick-off room party at Millenicon which has become our “home” con.  Kit has forbidden my making a cake shaped like an undead skinless bunny, so I’ll have to come up with something else that relates to the story.  There will most likely be a release party at The Alley Vintage & Costume the next weekend: more refreshments and the opportunity to hobnob with the author.  Perhaps I’ll wear my steampunk books so it can be a hobnail hobnob.

Christmas Eve another one of my flash fiction pieces will be featured on The Wicked Library podcast.  I will provide a direct link to that when it becomes available.

I will soon have word on two submissions: “44 Lies by 22 Authors” from Post Mortem press and the Christmas Horror Flash contest with Apex Publications.  Both are Flash Fiction but great fun to write and then contemplate dreams of micro-fame.

Lastly, the screenplay I had written quite some time ago is moving forward in pre-production, though whether it walks, crawls or makes embarrassing pelvic thrusts, I do not know.  Since this is Hollywood, I will be silent to avoid jinxing things, though I might make several evocative grimaces and gestures.

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But that’s not the funny part…

Yesterday was a crappy day around Columbus, Ohio.  What had been two to five inches of snow was slowly being drenched by a steady just-above-freezing drizzle.  The Charity Newsies were out in force and I had errands to run.

For those of you not in Franklin County, the Charity Newsies is a benevolent group that one week-end a year raise money by selling a specially printed edition of the Columbus Dispatch.  A very large proportion of moneys received actually goes to helping poor children, which puts them above several other high-overhead charities in my estimation.  The Charity Newsies wear white jumpsuits with the group’s logo on the back, accented with personalized headgear.  I saw one man with an Elvis pompadour wig that made him at least six inches taller.  They stand in traffic, hawking their papers to passersby in exchange for donations.  In the cold. And the drizzle.  And the streams of cars filled with drivers overtaken with the spirit of Christmas shopping.

But that’s not the funny part…

I had urgent errands to run first thing: December is my birthday month (don’t ask) and this year I not only needed to renew the tags on The Broom and The Sheepmobile, I also had to get a new license.  I sallied forth at ten to hit the DMV at its morning low-point of hysteria and found the line had already wound around to the door.  A nice civil servant, they do have such things you know, worked the line to help the clients prepare for whatever transactions they might have.  When he came to me, we ran through a quick interrogation and he closed with the announcement that the DMV only takes cash or checks.  I had forgotten my check book and did not have enough cash to refund two vanity plates and a driver’s license.  But, imagine that, the state of Ohio had installed an ATM just inside the door.

I stepped out of line and accessed the ATM, only to find it was refusing to give out any money.  Refraining from obscenities in a public place, I told the nice civil servant that his ATM was not and pushed my way out the door.  A quick excursion got me to an outdoors ATM that allowed me to withdraw the cash needed, though in the cold and the drizzle.  I returned to the DMV to find the nice civil servant replacing the cash module in the ATM as it had run out of money.  Imagine that in an establishment with a $35 minimum charge for anything.

But that’s not the funny part…

As I was headed back home, my wife called.  We own a vintage and costume store which was not overwhelmed with customers willing to brave the slush and the drizzle.  She had sent our son home to handle the store on her own and when he got there discovered that the weather had knocked out the power.  As I was calling him on my cell phone, using the hands-free mode to maximize safety in the slush and drizzle and charitable pedestrians, I was struck from behind by another vehicle while I was stopped in traffic.

But that’s not the funny part…

To fully understand the reaction of the young man in the silver Mustang, you have to know that my normal winter gear makes me look like a cross between Harry Dresden and Snidely Whiplash: black felt hat, green oilskin duster, handle-bar mustache.  As Abby who works at our store later said, he must have been wondering if he had a special rider on his insurance for hitting a super villain.  I came out of the car, no doubt with steam jetting from my ears, and descended upon the teenage driver who stood beside his silver muscle car.  He apologized profusely and wanted to give me cash for repairs but he didn’t have any and he was really, really sorry and was I allright?  I believe he wet himself.

Fortunately, there was only an exchange of paint and a slight sprain of my wrist from my clenching the steering wheel too hard.  I tried to calm him down by pointing out that neither car was damaged and no-one was injured.  I pulled a moleskin notebook from my duster pocket, another anachronism which I’m sure confused him and had him jot down his contact information, just in case.

But that’s not the funny part…

The punchline of this cold and drizzly day was that there had been a Charity Newsie standing in the center lane, just one car’s length in front of me.  He witnessed the whole accident and the furious conversation afterwards.  Then, while I was getting back into my car, he looked all around to be sure no-one would be blaming him for the incident and dashed off the street to hide in a drugstore.

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My Love Song to Coffee

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December 6, 2013 · 12:14 PM

Camp Arcanum: My First Book Trailer

My first novel “Camp Arcanum” will be released by Post Mortem Press in 2014.  I just down-loaded Plotagon Beta, a free program that creates CG videos based on your script, and I created my first book trailer.  Every expense was spared.  Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

https://plotagon.com/2388

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